ENVISIONING THE FUTURE…
The Brave New Overcrowded Multicultural World
(an unpleasant fantasy)
Ever since developers discovered that increasing pavement area is the best thing for the planet, those old-fashioned ideas of environmentalism quickly became passé. The GNP has never grown so fast. Besides, if you really want to look at something previously alive, just plug in a retro-disk and you can watch all the messy trees and smelly animals you can stand.
Refugees to Be Settled in National Parks
Statehood for Haiti
Not to be outdone by old-fashioned proponents of traditional languages, the Egalitarian Esperantists issued a statement calling attention to their plight.
Government Printers Updated, Multiculturated
Sierrans Applaud Golden Gate Park Subdivision
In a pathetic historic curiosity, Carl Pope, the balding and dispirited former leader of the Sierra Club today joined a small group of several thousand “environmentalists” protesting the park developments. Reflecting back on his decade as the head of a dwindling Sierra Club, Pope declared, “Trading away immigration reform in the hopes of building a larger organization was my biggest mistake. I thought that demography was the Club's destiny — but it just meant the end of environmentalism.”
H-7B Visa Cap Raised
Income Tax Fairness Act of 2010
Romance on the Plains
— Tim Aaronson, Carol Joyal, Brenda Walker
It's 2010… Wake up! A few changes have taken place, Citizen, so just take your daily ration of Soma and enjoy the ride. There's no more use in struggling. You probably should burn your “America: FULL” T-shirt from your immigration activist days. The multiculturist re-education camps are supposed to be fairly unpleasant. Who needs the aggravation? After all, it's a brave new world out there. Resistance is futile.
INS officials, desperate to find accommodations to house refugees awaiting hearing, have received permission to use Yosemite National Park. Officials hope to open the newly remodeled Ahwanee Hotel with its ingenious “people shelves.” Immigration attorneys praised Congress and the President for their swift action in considering lawyers' requirements for billable hours.
Today President Newt Gingrich announced support for HR-666, the Haitian Statehood bill. “The entrepreneurial spirit possessed by Haitians makes them natural allies of the Republican Party. Besides, learning French will make Americans appear more cultured,” he proclaimed. Gingrich's support now makes almost certain passage of HR-666 since its introduction by Democrats under the guidance of African-American members of Congress. It is widely thought that pending statehood for Nicaragua will now be brought forward in order to make an even 60 states. Of course, it doesn't matter much since the flag was appropriately redesigned to save money.
Vice President Manuel Jesus Gonzales was present at the unveiling of the Government Printing Office first issue off the press of the Recuerdo de Congresso, the first Spanish language version of the Congressional Record in the country's history. The event was marred by protesters from various hyphenated American groups. Benedict Gomez of Political Equality for Guatamalans (PEG) felt the Spanish used was in fact idiomatic Mexican. Chinese-American representatives voiced outrage at ignoring their language which is spoken by well over 1 billion persons. And long festering feelings were unleashed as French speakers of Louisiana angrily hooted down the Vice President claiming that the first second language version should honor their long tenure as an important language group in America.
The Sierra Club today voiced the former environmental organization's approval for bulldozing large swaths of San Francisco's Golden Gate Park for housing developments required by the skyrocketing population. Club President Juan O'Leary remarked, “We believe that people are the most important species and we're pro-people at the improved Sierra Club. We don't concern ourselves with categories like 'trees' any more. 'Nuevo enviros' care about using space in a better way and responding to local needs.”
Congress is expect to pass legislation raising the quotas for H-7B visas, the non-migratory, semi-seasonal Balkanization experts. The measure is aimed at overcoming a reported shortage of Balkanization engineers who come largely from the former Yugoslavia. During the Senate hearings, Senator Spencer Abraham (R-MI) said that, “Unless we Balkanize the U.S., Balkanization will just occur offshore.” Opponents of the measure have said that there is no shortage of Balkanization in the U.S. and there was no need to be importing more of it.
Included in the new overhaul of U.S. tax law is legislation aimed at creating greater equity among taxpayers. For the first time, tax rates will be based on the citizenship status of the filer. Three tiers are proposed:
Arguing that those born here and who have become citizens are the largest beneficiaries, the legislation taxes them at the two higher rates. Illegal aliens will not be taxed at all since they had to struggle even to get here, and besides, the U.S. owes them because of the centuries of oppression by American multinationals.
After little debate, the Utah state legislature today passed the “Uniform Polygamy Act.” Aimed at placating the growing concerns of Moslem immigrants in the state, legislators took only minutes to pass on what some thought might have been a contentious issue. Utah senators applauded the legislation as bringing the cultural sensitivities of seemingly diverse cultures closer together.
